Weight gain- very depressed.

I've been feeling really depressed about my weight gain. I did write a short post before about gaining 11 pounds in 1 month but I'm gonna talk about it it more detail here.
Until almost 4 years ago I had a drug problem which lasted 10+ years. I'm not one of those people that can eat anything they wanted & stay skinny but for those 10 years I was very thin & eating pure crap...very unhealthy & most of the time not eating at all. So when I got clean 4 years ago I kept the same crappy eating habits but eating 3-4 meals plus the Twix, ice cream.... I started packing on the pounds--my thin days I was normally between 135-145 & in 3 years I gained about 30 lbs (I'm 5'8"). When my husband & I set a wedding day for October 2008 I had 5 months to lose weight because I hated the way I felt & looked, and wanted to look good in my wedding pictures. So I joined Weight Watchers in May 2008. By the middle of the summer I had lost the 30 lbs I wanted & was back to 140!! I felt sooo good & my body looked so much better at a healthy 140 than a junkie 140. As the wedding day got closer I started cheating here (mostly because of nerves) & then since the rehearsal dinner I ate whatever I wanted (& have been since). When I went on the cruise for the honeymoon there was food out all day so I ate, then when I came home I continued to not eat healthy. My scale had broke (no, not because of my weight, the glass cover cracked) so I didn't have anything to check myself with & days would just go by. This went on for about a month when then I found out I was pregnant. A couple days after I found out the great news I went for a doctors appointment where she weighed me & I was 150. So for about 5-6 weeks of not following Weight Watchers (between the wedding, cruise...) I had gained 10 lbs. That next month was the worst for me because it's when I quit smoking for the first time ever in the 16+ years I was smoking. I was eating candy like crazy & basically everything else I could put in my mouth besides cigarettes...I didn't want to smoke out my baby's bedroom. When I went back to the doctor's office the next month I weighted in at 161. This was VERY depressing for me because I was now almost back to my old weight. The doctor wasn't concerned because she said my weight will slow down, it's because of quitting smoking that I gained like that. That next month I didn't really change my eating habits by much, I really just stopped eating so much candy (blow pops, jolly ranchers...). I had also went & bought a new scale so I can watch my weight. Now I basically just eat 3 meals a day & desert. The meals aren't really healthy but they are filling so I don't have to pick all day...I have a bacon & egg sandwich in the morning...for lunch I eat a foot long turkey & cheese Subway sandwich or if I'm at work I have a grill cheese & fries (twice a week at most)...then dinner if I cook I have potatoes & bake some chicken or roast beef (if C-Town has the kind I like which is not often)...and for desert I have to have my Carvel ice cream (soft chocolate ice cream with chocolate sprinkles). I know I'm not eating healthy & every day I say I have to go food shopping & get some healthy things but both hubby & I are the pickiest eaters in the world. So when I went back to the doctor a couple days ago for my monthly I had only gained 2 pounds weighing in at 163. I was so happy about that.
I do understand that when you have a baby you are gonna gain weight. I knew that while I was dieting before my wedding that we were gonna try and get pregnant right after the wedding & I was gonna gain weight. BUT I'm just mad at myself the way I gained the weight. The 1st trimester is when you are supposed to gain the least amount of weight (if any)...and in the 1st trimester I already gained half of what I should have gain during the *ENTIRE* pregnancy. I know there isn't anything I can do about it now, it's just that I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't want to make plans with friends to do anything because I have nothing to wear & I don't want them to see me this fat! At least in a few weeks I start getting a belly bump & then I will look pregnant but as of now I just look like a fatso. I keep saying I will go get some new clothes from the maternity store, maybe that will make me feel better but instead I just sit on my fat butt & sulk. I have a 3 day weekend coming up so I'm planning on going shopping on Friday for a few items, lets hope I go.
I just had to vent :)